


When the magic goes, I go

by Rutkowski



Series: Rutkowski One-Shots [1]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Angst, Dark, Drabble, Episode: s06e22 Grave, F/F, Grief/Mourning, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mental Anguish, One Shot, POV First Person, Post-Season/Series 06, Pre-Season/Series 07, Short One Shot, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:02:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27744187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rutkowski/pseuds/Rutkowski
Summary: Willow's broken mind reflect on the past and her future while she's held in England following S6
Relationships: Tara Maclay/Willow Rosenberg
Series: Rutkowski One-Shots [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2077671
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	When the magic goes, I go

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah if ya got bad reactions with reading about suicidal thoughts, skip this one.  
> Sorry, can't blame ya.

_They made their decision_   
_I don't blame them. I came with them to die, to rot_   
_I still expect it, still I deserve it_

_When the magic goes, I go_

_Every waking moment is a cacophony of grief_   
_Every sleeping moment is a barrage of nightmares_

_Some dreams have Tara being happy_   
_Sometimes she smiles_   
_Sometimes we kiss_

_Bind to remove all magic_   
_Dreams are magic_   
_I can’t lose what little Tara I have left_

_They are setting up the candles and are lighting the incense, the chalk has already been applied_   
_The chalk will be the end of my body of work_   
_As I always put the foot in my mouth, I choke on the toe-tag_

_Not even allowed to be at the funeral_   
_Last I saw was her blood on me_   
_Her heart torn shredded on my face_   
_Couldn't say bye_

_The chamber has no natural light left, the witching hour is upon us_   
_Witching hour to unwitch the Will-o-witch_

_There's no light left_   
_A mocking parody of our first night_   
_The night we got all extra flamey_

_She forgave me for focusing on saving Oz_   
_She forgave me for failing her, leaving her to Glory_   
_She forgave me for violating her, twice_

_She can never forgive me_   
_She must never forgive me_

_My end will be eternal, it will be lonesome_   
_She is my paragon, I will never see her in the afterlife_   
_Hell will wait_   
_Seat reserved for Rosenberg, W_

_Giles doesn't know me_   
_Never did, he never knew my magic, always hated it_   
_My life is now bound to it_   
_Magic and life; I bound them together_

_When the magic goes, I go_

_Can't kill myself, still wrong_   
_Also, coward_   
_Tried in the past, many times_

_First Riley stopped me_   
_Then I survived the crash with Dawnie_   
_Two days ago Althenea took the blade from me_   
_She shouldn't have_

_Tub was all red_   
_Red like love, like hate_   
_She was red, made me redder_

_What's the saying?_   
_And now these three remain_   
_Faith, hope and love_   
_The greatest of these is love_

_What of when love is dead_   
_No hope of it coming back_   
_The faith tell me I won't even see her in the summerlands_   
_What remain when all is lost?_

_They anoint me now_  
 _Herbs to make it_ _permanent_  
 _Smart, got nothing left_  
 _My friends hate me at best_

_Reminds me of the nether walk_   
_Her, keeping me close, loving me_   
_I kissed her then, was my heaven_   
_Still is_

_They fear I will fight it_   
_I welcome it_   
_Embrace it_

_When the magic goes, I go_

_I am sat in the middle_   
_Giles and the others take places_   
_No screams to change places_   
_Wonderland will be forever locked_

_The chanting has begun, only moments left_   
_I am sorry, you are my forever_   
_I wish I could make it better_

_I should have taken you away_   
_When she died we should have left_   
_Go away forever, live as lovers_

_You could paint and read_   
_I could code and feed_   
_Spells at night, only us for us_

_Make a life_   
_Snuggle by open fire_   
_Dance skyclad in chants_

_Soon I will be nothing_   
_Already is_   
_More dead than Spike_   
_He could have my soul, it's broken anyway_   
_Tainted_

_Seconds remain_   
_Soon they'll be free_   
_Soon I'll be gone_

_When the magic goes, I go_

_I remember this part of the spell_   
_Last verse now_   
_Final line before their peace_

_I remember this_   
_Last verse now_   
_Final line of their peace_

_Bending my will_   
_Willow tree twisting_   
_Giving up my form_

_Fingers entwined in fear_   
_Song on a bridge_   
_Float in a dance_   
_Kissing her now, embraced before the end_

_When the magic goes, I go_   
_When the magic goes, I go_   
_When the magi_


End file.
